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"My husband turned into a monster after the wedding. But the problem is that I was in a hurry to get married to a person I didn't know much about..."
- Blog
- Hits: 138
Anonymous stories about manifestations of Gender-based violence
"My husband turned into a monster after the wedding. But the problem is that I was in a hurry to get married to a person I didn't know much about.
I met my future husband during the period when I was picking myself up in pieces after a painful breakup with a boyfriend. I liked that the new supporter was persistent, patient, attentive, caring. At that moment, I really missed it. It seemed that we had common interests, hobbies, dreams and some life plans coincided. I blossomed. On the third date I received a marriage proposal. Before that, me and my future husband had been talking as friends for several months.
I wanted to be loved so much that I agreed. For me, it was a kind of adventure that gave me the desired status and a sense of security.
But I did not take into account that despite the similarity in interests, the moral values of the couple should also converge. I really regretted that I did not pay attention to this before marriage.
We got married 6 months after our first date. And after the wedding, the whole "fairy dust" of a strong caring man faded away. I stayed under the same roof with the rapist.
The fact that I was always not pretty enough, bossy and the like, I will miss. It was much more painful to realize that I am married to a person for whom it is normal to cheat and not hide it, it is normal to accuse me of his trips to cheat, it is normal to spend all my salary on utilities and food, and to spend my money on parties and others women It was okay for him to force me to have sex when I didn't want to, it was okay to limit my communication with family and friends, it was okay to criticize my job that fed us, and it was okay to make me quit.
When I recovered and began to understand what was happening, 2 years passed. Of course, someone can comment on my mental abilities, because I endured such an attitude for so long. But from my own experience, I want to add - when you live in conditions of psychological and physical violence, you cannot always adequately assess the situation, because a conditional vacuum is created for you, from where it is impossible to look at the situation comprehensively and comprehensively. At least that was the case with me.
Thank fate, I managed to escape. I went on business to another city and got stuck there because I got very sick. During this time in the hospital, I was able to think soberly about everything that is happening in my life, and develop a plan for further actions.
I left the tyrant, it was not easy. For a long time, he created situations where I got stuck, then threatened and took money. But I still managed.
Today I am safe, but the heavy burden of psychological trauma is still on me. Now I'm gathering my thoughts to go to a psychologist, because I feel that I can no longer build healthy relationships with others the way I would like.
This is my story. Girls, take a closer look at those with whom you connect your life. It is better to wait a little and get to know each other, than to carry the burden of trauma for the rest of your life.”
Psychologist's comment:
Unfortunately, violence is such a phenomenon and behavior that it is often impossible to identify immediately when we meet and communicate with a person. To a greater extent, it is about the manifestation of power over another person with the intention to harm. That is why we most often encounter violence in marriage or some time after dating.
As the heroine described: yes, it is difficult to leave the abuser for various reasons, including economic dependence or job loss, belief in one's fault that this happened, loss of the meaning of life and vision of the future. But it is possible!
It is important to remember that there is a way out even from such situations, you can turn your life in the opposite direction and gradually regain your self-worth. It is worth asking for help from organizations that can provide a safe place to stay and together turn to law enforcement agencies for protection, as well as provide all the necessary services at this stage.
We are here for you!
If you have come across GBV and need help, write to
GBV (gender-based violence) is a violation of human rights and freedoms directed against a certain gender, causing harm to a person of a different article than the offender himself.
*The material was prepared by the NGO Girls as part of the project "Providing emergency aid and protection services to the population affected by the conflict in Ukraine", which is implemented by Help - Hilfe zur Selbsthilfe in Ukraine with the financial support of the Federal Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Germany and NAK-karitativ. It does not in any way represent the official point of view of the donors.